Are you going to watch tonight’s presidential debate? Wait. Don’t brush me off too quickly. It could be interesting.

Look, I know you’ve heard it all before. Barack Obama is a terrorist Muslim with an angry black Baptist pastor. He will raise your taxes, sabotage the country, and personally build an abortion clinic in your neighborhood…

John McCain (photo at right) is a Vietnam hero who knows how to win a war. He will lower taxes to make the rich richer so they can create even more jobs than they’re creating now. He will defeat evil throughout the world, end abortion rights in America, and veto that awful “pork” that politicians surreptitiously slip into spending bills. (Yes, I know he voted for the bailout plan after it was stuffed with pork, but hey, he was only “putting country first.”)

I know you probably don’t believe a word of it. And even if you did, you wouldn’t give a rat’s ***. You are worried about losing your job (if you still have one), your 401(k) is disappearing down the toilet, your prospects of drawing Social Security are getting dimmer by the minute, and your kid’s college fund is toast…Besides, even if you’re lucky enough to have a mortgage you can manage, folks are losing their homes all around you, and with all those empty houses, the neighborhood is getting ugly. And milk is like four – five – bucks a jug, bread is about three bucks a loaf, and gas is close to four bucks a gallon again…

So, if Obama wants to pal around with “terrorists” like Bill Ayers (a college professor in Chicago who helps the mayor figure out how to improve education for the city’s poor), what do you care? What you want to know is whether he can do something to restore sanity to your world. (Yeah, you know he’s black – half-black, anyway – but he could be polka-dot for all you care if he can noodle his way out of the mess this country’s in). So, I guess you’ve probably heard all you want to hear from politicians. What you want now is action.

But, you Joe Six-Packs out there, what about that sassy babe, Sarah? How about that perky smile? Did ya see her winkin’ at ya in the vice presidential debate the other night? Did that win your heart, or what? It didn’t? And you hockey moms, wasn’t she just adorable? She wasn’t? I’m sure she thought she was!

Well, you can watch college football or “Twenty Greatest Redneck Moments II” … or whatever. I’ll be watching the debate. Sure, I’ve heard it all, too. But I just might not have seen it all. McCain is getting madder by the day, and I’m looking forward to an explosion. This guy’s temper is legendary. He’s losing the election by a large and growing margin. And that Hussein character from Hawaii is sailing along, smiling and being maddeningly reasonable. What the hell right does he have to be running for President, anyway? Doesn’t he know he’s black, doggone it?

I tell ya, that urugula-eating elitist needs to have that smile wiped off his face, and McCain’s the guy to do it – war hero that he is. After all, he used to be a (light-weight) boxer, ya know? So, since he’s losing the doggone election, anyways, he just might take a poke at Obama tonight…

I bet you won’t see that on “Twenty Greatest Redneck Moments II.”!