I saw this article and thought it would be interesting as sometimes as a single parent when you are stressed or upset with the other parent all sort of things come to mind and out of your mouth:
‘I regret having you’
And 4 other things you should never say to your child
By SIMONE MORGAN All Woman writer
Monday, August 15, 2011
IT’S not unusual for a parent who’s stressed to say hurtful things to a child without putting much thought into what he/she says. However, saying hurtful things to a child can leave scars that could last a lifetime, many experts have warned. Therefore, whenever things happen that make you mad, take a time out before unleashing your fury on the child, family counsellor David Anderson said.
“When you take time, even to count to ten, you’re less likely to say hurtful or inappropriate things,” he said.
Below are five things you should never, ever say to your children.
1. ‘Why cant you be more like your brother or sister?’
“I’ve talked to people, big people, who still remember being compared to a sibling, and still have pent-up hurt from the experience,” Anderson said. It’s important that parents accept each of their children for who they are and never compare them in any way. Comparing them will only reinforce that they aren’t as smart/funny/pretty/talented as their sibling, and this can cause rivalry and hurt that lasts for years.
2. ‘I regret having you.’
“I wish you were never born”; “I should have aborted you”; “I should have given you up for adoption”; “Your ruined my life”. It doesn’t matter how rebellious your child gets, these words should never escape your lips, even if you’re thinking them. “No one forced you to have them, but if you made that decision, live with it, and don’t blame the child for your failures,” Anderson said.
3. ‘You are just like your worthless father/mother.’
As a parent, this may sound harmless but in the ears of a child it is destructive. It is extremely uncomfortable for kids to hear their parents saying negative things about each other, and if a child has been labelled as being “just like” his/her dad, he/she will feel anger and shame when dad is criticised. “If you’re constantly being called worthless, that’s something you will believe,” Anderson said. “Parents help shape their children’s self-esteem, and so if you kill the self-esteem, they’ll have a wall of trouble trying to gain back confidence.”
4. ‘You will never become anything in life.’
To be referred to as failure can also ruin a child’s self-esteem, especially when it comes from the lips of a parent. “Although some persons believe that criticism will motivate the kids to succeed, this is not necessarily the case,” Anderson said. “Whenever they face challenges, normal life challenges, they may draw for that, those words that came from the parent, and focus on that,” he said. “After all, ‘if daddy says I’m dumb, and I can’t understand math, maybe he’s right’…” he added. In the long run, these insults will only make your child less capable of making the right decisions.
5. ‘I’m disowning you.’
Even when your child gets on your last nerve and you feel like giving up, those words should be avoided completely. This is an angry threat which will leave your child feeling isolated. Remember, a child depends on his/her parents for love, emotional and financial support so when this statement is made it is rather frightening for the child who will lose all sense of who he/she is.
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