on re-claiming happiness and breaking down a break-up past the sum of its parts

often, when relationships end, we’re too destroyed by the pain and disappointment to recall (or even want to recall) the happiness we experienced while we were in them. this is natural, and i would argue integral to healing. but do not make the mistake of packing your happiness away with the other detritus of love lost. though it was shared with somebody else, that happiness is still yours. and while having a relationship ‘fail’ can *feel* tragic (and i say feel because sometimes its actually better that they end, but the *pain* of their ending is real) it would be even more tragic to forfeit your own past happiness as a part of getting over it. hold on to your happiness, remember that though you were a part of a unit in that relationship, you also were an individual within that unit. you gave happiness, you received happiness, you shared happiness. tell your stories, write the poems about your happiness, tell your friends about the time that the person did this, or the one evening when they did that. remember how that felt. because it is those memories, the memories of those feelings, that will call your next lover into being. if we all walk around with emotional baggage anyways, carrying bits of past lovers into our present day, why would we not choose to carry some of the good parts? if we keep calling the same kind of person to us because we have not healed, why would we not call the parts of love that we enjoyed to us by making them a part of our healing? if it is over, then it is over. and no amount of reminiscing will take you back there. or, conversely, perhaps it’s not over and you will go back there, but not now. the point is, if you have an agreement with yourself, if you have come to an understanding with yourself that something is not for you because the *sum total* of it does not work for you, then it is safe for you to take out the parts that did work for you and use them to remind yourself and the universe of the kind of happiness you desire and are capable of. not the kind of happiness *that* person is capable of bringing to you, the kind of happiness *a* person is capable of bringing to you. the kind of happiness *you* are capable of experiencing and the kinds of situations *you* want to create in *your* relationships. your relationships, are yours. the pain, is yours. so is the happiness. do not hold on to one but not the other, and do not pack them up together and cast them away. fiercely cling to your happiness, it is not the work of  one person, but the universe’s gift to you *through* that person. re-gift it to yourself daily. leave the person, keep your happiness. it is yours.