Naomi J. – Yaadinfo Contributor [ Website ]
Baby boy you stay on my mind,
Fulfil my fantasies,
I think about you all the time,
I see you in my dreams……
Date: Monday 29th September 2008.
Location: Some residential road near the University of Westminster
Time: 10:34 AM
“F@#$ you!” she yelled.
“Not if I f@#$ you first sunshine!” I shrieked in retaliation, switching off the car’s engine.
She looked so pissed. Poor thing. But then again I would’ve been as well, had I been born with a totally busted up mug like that. OK hold it down. There’s honestly no need to go getting your undies in a twist hollering, this girl thinks she too damn hot. I certainly ain’t claiming to be the buffest thing on the swaggerific roads of London but come on now, the (very RARE…of course!) rough skin on the soles of my feet had seen better days than that hardback piece of face.
“U-G-L-Y. Damn bitch you ain’t got no alibi!” I hooted (not loud enough for her to hear though).
Honestly some people. Okay, so it wasn’t very lady like to be yelling such obscenities in public places but still… I mean it wasn’t my fault I clocked the spot before Miss Horsey Face did.
Finding a car parking space near the university campus was like trying to find a needle in a bloody haystack at the best of times, and today was certainly no exception.
“Sorry ’bout that Jo-Jo. Just some random stoopid cow trying it. Someone needs to call the RSPCA on her man so they can remove all that chaka-chaka road kill stitched into her head. Now that’s some serious animal cruelty right there,” I sighed whilst checking my reflection in the rear view mirror.
“You’re a proper joker BQ,” Johanna chuckled.
“So…you sure you’re on it? Are you sure you’ll be able to prise yourself away from Marlon’s sexy wexy lips?” Johanna teased.
Now don’t get me wrong. I really, really liked Marlon.
Okay. No. That was a slight understatement. The man had me feening. However, I was still yet to see the day (ironically the same day when hell freezes over) when any man would come before my insatiable love of raving with the girls. Oh hell to the nah!
“Jo-Jo you done know already the answer to that one gurlfren’,” I replied balancing the mobile between my ear and shoulder.
“Where’s my bloody glasses case?”
This was the blinking thing about owning one of those trendy oversized shopper bags man. You could never find anything in them! At least they came in handy on days like this when I had my heavy text books and all.
“Besides, this Ayia Napa Reunion fancy dress party sounds like jokes,” I added.
“Yeah man, it’s gonna be massive. It’s a Live Vibes flex innit. Frisky Shotta, Sniper T, that Deejay Zoom Blast from Ratings FM, Lady Magnum, Silver D…The whole lot of them are gonna be there.”
Wow, talk about the sheer beauty (and advantage) of having an award winning entertainment journalist as a best friend. It was fair to say Johanna had connections to pretty much every event happening in London, if not the UK and beyond.
“Cool, cool. So what are we going dressed as?” I enquired.
Yes! I’d finally managed to find my glasses case. It wasn’t in my bag at all. I’d put it in the glove compartment. Marcia you doughnut. Removing the cherry red thick rimmed glasses from my face, I placed them back in their black Prada case.
“Considering it has to be music celebrity themed, I was thinking seventies and eighties soul stars,” Johanna said.
“Interesting…do go on Jo-Jo” I said, turning down the car radio.
“Well me, I’m gonna be Miss Houston before crack…”
“Oookaaayy…”
“You….Gloria Gayner..”
“Gloria Gaynor? Okay…I guess I’ll survive,” I laughed.
“Marcia, allow it man…That was soooo dry,” Johanna snorted.
“What? You mean as dry as your foot bottom?”
“Nah man. As dry as ya’ll crusty ass lips biatch,’” Johanna squeaked in a mock “New Yawk” accent.
“Alright, alright Miss Frempong, calm it love…What about Shauna and Jade?”
“Okay, well Shauna can be Chaka Khan in her lycra days, and Jade of course….”
“A light skinned Michael Jackson,” Johanna and I sang in unison.
For as long as I could remember, even back to the days of building castles together in the nursery sand pit, Jade had always idolised the ground the king of pop moonwalked on.
“It’s all about Friday Jo-Jo, all about Frrrrrrriiiiddday.” Jerking the keys out of the car ignition, my mind swiftly flicked through a catalogue of potential outfits to wear on the big night.
[Continues Next Week…]
